Sometimes I really get tired of this “feed the hungry” socialism being couched in Christianity.
I don’t like this “turn the other cheek” either.
What did Jesus really say?
If you are a genuine Christian Republican male (i. e., a wealthy one), the beatitude is “blessed is he that issues thousands of pink slips or forecloses on mortgages”.
But what about the riff-raff (whose vote we need anyway?)
It is “Blessed is he who kicks the infidel in the groin!”
Sure, we’ll eventually fire them and kick them out of their clapboard houses. But in the meantime, we’ll just say that we’ll vote against gays and vote to ship the Mexicans back to Mexico…and when the lib professor types give us a hard time…we’ll sic them on them!
A good bit ago, I was walking around, thinking about what stocks to buy and wondering WWMD? (What Would Mitt Do?).
Then I encountered a lass in spandex shorts and a rather curious t-shirt:
It says “Your Workout is Our Warmup”. Yeah right, you sassy lass! How is this: “your yearly salary is my coffee money!” or “your job is what I am going to cut to give myself a bigger bonus!” Take that!
Anyhow, I noticed how naughty her shorts were and decided to do some Christian Morality investigating. Then I found things like this:
My goodness…those tights are, well…tight! I figured things couldn’t get much worse until I saw:
Jesus, Joseph and Mary! There is so much wrong with this I don’t know where to begin! First of all, her yoga pants are spray-painted on. She is grunting, sweating and lifting something heavy! That is not ladylike! Then…her bent over sooooo deeply with such tight pants…my goodness, everything covering her lady parts is probably stretched to the breaking point and those lady parts are probably quite visible, at least in outline! At least the photographer had the decency to not take a photo from an unfortunate angle…while she was in that position…and then….I….saw…..
oh Lord……I have sinned….in my heart and all over my extra Kleenex…..please forgive me……please…..oohhhhh…
Needless to say, this cannot stand! This time, action was called for!
We had an emergency meeting of the Promise Keepers to seek out and review all such photos (a collection of which can be found here).
It was voted on and we decided to do some Christian Morality research by enrolling in a local Crossfit program; our plan was to bring in a small camera and do a morality investigation.
Of course, Crossfit involves exercise…but of mere women can do it
How hard could it possibly be?
But due to our lack of faith…we looked up a Crossfit routine on the internet and decided to try it out among ourselves.
However we must have not been Right With the Lord; Satan attacked us because of our lack of faith
We had to call the socialist EMT’s to give IV bags to a few of our Promise Keeper Brothers…and to use the defibrillator on a couple of more.
The rest of us had to use socialist health insurance to cover doctor’s visits; we had a couple of torn rotator cuffs, a few meniscus tears, and a stretched ligament or two…and a half dozen more of us threw out our backs.
No one made it past the first 25 percent of the workout. 😦
But our internet research can continue!
Here is our weekly Prayer Warrior Project for Promise Keeper groups: every PK group ought to divvy up Twitter accounts and seek women who display themselves for all to see.
We should then set up a data base so other Godly Christian Republican men can keep tabs….
just look at what is out there!
Here is a montage of this Scarlet Woman’s photos:
What should we do about this????? More investigation is called for!!!!
Ok, this appeared in the UK, but is still a complete outrage:
Allowing these photos to be accessed in the United States is an outrageous affront to MY freedom!!!
We should put a stop to this!!! I will take this up with our Promise Keepers meeting at once!
Note: if the above offends you, be sure to stay away from this web address!