Sinful Saturday: Crossfit is a Satanic Temptation!

Published June 2, 2012 by republicanfaithchat

A good bit ago, I was walking around, thinking about what stocks to buy and wondering WWMD? (What Would Mitt Do?).

Then I encountered a lass in spandex shorts and a rather curious t-shirt:

It says “Your Workout is Our Warmup”. Yeah right, you sassy lass! How is this: “your yearly salary is my coffee money!” or “your job is what I am going to cut to give myself a bigger bonus!” Take that!

Anyhow, I noticed how naughty her shorts were and decided to do some Christian Morality investigating. Then I found things like this:

My goodness…those tights are, well…tight! I figured things couldn’t get much worse until I saw:

Jesus, Joseph and Mary! There is so much wrong with this I don’t know where to begin! First of all, her yoga pants are spray-painted on. She is grunting, sweating and lifting something heavy! That is not ladylike! Then…her bent over sooooo deeply with such tight pants…my goodness, everything covering her lady parts is probably stretched to the breaking point and those lady parts are probably quite visible, at least in outline! At least the photographer had the decency to not take a photo from an unfortunate angle…while she was in that position…and then….I….saw…..

oh Lord……I have sinned….in my heart and all over my extra Kleenex…..please forgive me……please…..oohhhhh…

Needless to say, this cannot stand! This time, action was called for!

We had an emergency meeting of the Promise Keepers to seek out and review all such photos (a collection of which can be found here).

It was voted on and we decided to do some Christian Morality research by enrolling in a local Crossfit program; our plan was to bring in a small camera and do a morality investigation.

Of course, Crossfit involves exercise…but of mere women can do it

How hard could it possibly be?

But due to our lack of faith…we looked up a Crossfit routine on the internet and decided to try it out among ourselves.

However we must have not been Right With the Lord; Satan attacked us because of our lack of faith

We had to call the socialist EMT’s to give IV bags to a few of our Promise Keeper Brothers…and to use the defibrillator on a couple of more.

The rest of us had to use socialist health insurance to cover doctor’s visits; we had a couple of torn rotator cuffs, a few meniscus tears, and a stretched ligament or two…and a half dozen more of us threw out our backs.

No one made it past the first 25 percent of the workout. 😦

But our internet research can continue!


2 comments on “Sinful Saturday: Crossfit is a Satanic Temptation!

  • Those are some of the most dangerous of Satan’s minions! Many of those pictured are she-males. They insult The Lord who made women the weaker sex and to serve man had no design that women be stronger than the average man. One bitch slap could be fatal. Even this Budah-Pest Crossfit training for white men is an affront to The Lord’s design. If The Lord intended such strength and muscles, why would He have made the Negro?

    Jesus is weeping, but He forgives any accidents that should happen when doing The Lord’s work to clean the filth from the Intertubes

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